Saturday, February 28, 2009


So i have been contemplating the idea of wasting time recently. Any comment on laziness directed at anybody make me feel a little guilty. I always think...well, I could be doing more.. i was given so many gifts..The word is my present, and its still pretty much left unopened....This feeling is always a bit of a verbally abusive insecure middle management boss type character, beating me down and out.. Then i get a little rebellious inside and remember back on a time when I was busy constantly. I was producing a lot of work! I was busy, and frustrated...and confused....and unhappy with what was coming out..but people had a great deal of respect for me and praised my artistic battle and upheaval as great discipline and diligence... "Surely you will Succeed!"...hmmmhmm.. and at what cost? and who's view of success? Perhaps the artistic battle should be to remain cool, calm and collected in a backward, confused, selfsatisfied, angry whirlwind of society. Finding the calm within the storm..or perhaps the serenity above the storm with the clear panoramic view of..lightness? This is all to say that I am attempteing to go with the flow of my artistic energy levels. I have work to do, obviously, but banishing guilt as a way of making me creative has been a difficult task...meaning a vital task. Im trying to find my perfect balance of out put and input.. active and passive quests for beauty and knowledge..yin and yang. oy.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

"Arrogance is always about ready to cry."

Saturday, February 21, 2009


oh me oh my...Winter wont retire! Please be gone winter!!! My bones ache! I want a sunny beach. gimme.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


I am strangely nervous about this audition next week. the benefit of nervous energy is lucid dreaming. Three days ago I dreamed the girlfriend of my coworker, who looked like Clair from "Heros" (the one who can heal) gave me sage advice on how to get rid of this bunny infestation I had in my apartment. When I returned home from consulting her over a bonfire all these little bunnies had willingly climbed into this pink recycling bag by my back door..waiting to be taken out..The mother bunny however, defended the bag and when I reached down to pick her up she bit through my leather gloves and swung like a pendulum in slow motion..hanging from my glove...barely missing my finger..and I just sort of watched her swing for a while. When she let go I told her that all the bunnys couldnt stay here; that there was not enough room. The mother rabbit spoke to me saying "why do you kick us out yet keep your plants here? This is a double starndard!" I heard the rabbit out and lined all my plants up outside my back door along with her little bunnies and she left.
Then the sage my coworker, Edgar and I started down the path of initiation though a dark forest to this waterfront that seemed to be some kind of well kept secret and meeting place of people like us. We didnt know how to get there..We just kept walking..Then my old subletter reached out from this steep dirt drop from the trail telling me the only way down was to fall down the side of the trail and stumble into the hidden lake. He wanted to carry me and I obliged. At the bottom of the drop was a misty dark fjord. My subletter began talking to me about the school politics at his university..when I didnt respond he became upset and I tolf him if he wanted me to understand what he was talking about he would have to explain the process to me as I have no experience in that sort of thing..Somehow I got away and wandered around through the steamy dark waters and woods. The end.

Vernon Howard

"To say that man dwells in a state of psychic sleep is not simply
a figure of speech. The evidence is plain, if only we will face it.
Would an awakened man burn himself up with angers and hatreds, with
egotistical sufferings, with stupid ambitions?"
V. Howard

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Meeting with my favorite Degas paintings

Yellow dancers
pink dancer
"Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things."
Edgar Degas

Friday, February 13, 2009

Gabriel Garcia Marquez Quotes

“Nobody deserves your tears, but whoever deserves them will not make you cry.”

“It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.”

“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.”

“...human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

“The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.”

“A person doesn't die when he should but when he can.”

“Necessity has the face of a dog.”

“No, not rich. I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing.”

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Maria Callas quotes

"You are born an artist or you are not. And you stay an artist, dear, even if your voice is less of a fireworks. The artist is always there. "
Maria Callas

"I don't need the money, dear. I work for art. "
Maria Callas

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Rainer Maria Rilke

"I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other."

"I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone."

"The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things."

Rainer Maria Rilke