Thursday, April 17, 2008

And so............

I have been avoiding this subject for a while, however, as you may have noticed, it is now mid April and there are still no signs of an EP... I did receive a track, produced, mixed and mastered from Kokopelli Productions, but felt instinctively that it was not where I was going. After receiving the track, I decided that the best thing for me would be to do it myself. I have a small protools setup at home and a couple of mics which I had previously used for personal projects and practice. One of Edgar's coworkers recently graduated from a recording school and he offered to help out. I threw myself into learning the ins and outs of recording, laying down two songs, but something still felt stale. I took a little break to reflect on what it is that had been bothering me about this process. I never liked the idolatry involved in pop music. Even though there are artists whose work I feel really attached to... It seems like a form of torture more than a privilege, to be put on a pedestal and praised. The more self absorbed and self serving I became, the more I dug into the intricacies of my own songs, the more I thought about my appearance, my sound, my goals, my future projects, my chances, my progress, the more I sank into a dark confusion. Some musicians try to bring you back by saying "its all about the music". But I dont think it is. Music is an expression, it is a craft, a talent, an art, a form of worship. One uses music to express. If this is the case, something major is missing from most people's vocabulary. The reason we are falling into frustration, making stale music, trying to cover up mediocre music with promises of it reaching the masses and bringing in revenue is because we fail to see the true inspiration. God breathed life into my body and gave me a soul, not praise myself, or other people, but to praise God. If I am not actively taking part in all of his beauty, I am saying that my view is better than his. If all my songs are about the best that I can do, then I have myself some pretty lame songs. The is certainly a mystery surrounding God's inspiration to the humans he created, but there are also very tangible facts. The laws of nature, the laws he governs us by. The law that I uncovered recently is if I want his way, I have give up my way. I cannot come to the ultimate creator with my own terms and bargain until I am satisfied. His way is satisfaction. My way is confused ramblings of how the world works and desperate pleas to get caught up in earthy battles and end up on top. This is all semi poetic language to say, my former approaches have been confused attempts at getting my way. Even when a personal battle was won, it brought me no pleasure. Lining myself up for a certain outcome of earthly gain was not the right way. I don't know what is in my future. I do know that I was crafted to be an artist and will be creating accordingly.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Forgiving others the way God forgives us for sins, denial and malicious words is the most humbling test of faith. Never before did I realize, the way I do at this moment, that the position of power is in service.