Thursday, November 20, 2008

these last few months.....

So.. Just an update for cyber world from physical world.... I had joined the Depaul Community Chorus a while back and we had our final concert last weekend in the Depaul Chapel. Beautiful religious music concert from Jewish and Christian traditions. Bach, Jankowsky, Luther.. Wonderful experience to be in unision with so many voices.

I took up drum lessons and have been pretty hyped about the possibility of actually becoming a drummer..a long time fantasy of mine... A really great visceral experience to counter the music theory studies i am engaged in.

I have a voice recital this Saturday in the Fine Art Building in Downtown Chicago. I chose to sing "Voi Che Sapete". Mozart has always been one of my favorite composers..I must confess i fell in love with him all over again after experiencing the simple and genuine genius of his arias. I love being able to sing in other languages! This classical training might be giving me the opera bug! It might be giving me the bug real bad! EXCITING!

I took my first ballet class in YEARS this Wednesday. I am so happy to be returning to one of my first loves...and turn out is not what it use to be...

Well..thats whats up with me. I am working on a new portfolio...but the process is very slow...well, thourough....I cant wait to show you all whats buzzing around in my musical bones..



Tuesday, October 14, 2008

cures that work

1. Realize that using the word love does not make you loving any more than calling yourself a lump of sugar makes you one.
2. Talking is a thousand times easier than pondering, which is why the talkers overwhelm the earth.
3. Free yourself of the tyranny of believing in mere words.
4. There is nothing wrong with nothing happening in your life. See this and something worthwhile will happen.
5. You are definitely worried about something when it returns repeatedly to your mind.
6. Knowing that you are lost is exactly the same thing as sensing the way back home.
7. Lose something before you get it and you will not fear losing it.
8. Uncertainty is unsafe. Certainty is safe. Safe certainty is spiritual and invisible and is waiting for you to request it to take charge of your life.
9. Show me what you boast about and I will show you what you hate.
10. The most common person on earth is the one who causes trouble to other people in order to prop up his shaky and false existence. A rare and sane mind could never commit such evil.
11. Spiritual facts always sound harmonious. You just have untuned ears.
12. Only a clear understanding of time-thinking can free you from its folly. For example, an ambitious man can think about acquiring earthly power but he cannot think about finally losing it.
13. Count the number of enemies you have outside and that is the same number of enemies you have inside.
14. In a true man, spirit is the king and thought is the obedient servant. In a false man, thought is the king and the spirit is considered an enemy.
15. The higher power does not need your aid. End your vanity. The higher power seeks to tell you to stop trying to help both it and yourself, for this enables it to help you.
16. THINKING produces noisy and wrong action. SEEING allows silent and right action.
17. Did it ever occur to you that your inner kingdom is a sacred place? Now, what is the right attitude to have toward a sacred place?
18. You must establish a steadfast program for losing confidence in your very own words that you speak so abundantly and so smugly. Your abundant words have no real confidence in them at all — they are scared words.
19. When faced, a harmful fact can be changed, but you can do nothing with a suppressed delusion but suffer from it.
20. Interpretation blocks reception while masquerading as reception. Rightness does not need interpretation; it requires simple acceptance and nothing else.
21. The stupidest reason for accepting something as being right is because you have always accepted it.
22. As incredible as it sounds, an unhappy man does not realize that happiness is better than unhappiness. Knowing only his own concealed anguish, he worships it, which is the same as self-worship.
23. Think how your life would be wondrously superior if you realized that truth is never absent from you.
24. Resurrection is a definite spiritual experience. It is something that HAPPENS to you. It happens when you no longer try to make things happen.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Few people have the imagination for reality"

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Vernon Howard

"Watch television, watch all those...officials who...stand
up and talk about bringing peace to the world and they talk
about curing inflation and they talk about new energy programs
that we're going to have. And they're well-dressed in suits
and ties, and they don't appear scared behind the microphone.

I wonder if there's one of you, I'm serious, I wonder if there's
one of you in this room who really sees that that man and that
woman are talking in their sleep. They don't know anything.

The last thing they know is how to cure inflation, because that's
a spiritual problem. The last thing they know is how to save
energy - that's a spiritual problem. The last thing they know is
how to make other people happy - that's a spiritual problem.
Therefore, they are lying, they're deceiving you because they've
first deceived themselves. Is there one of you here who sees
deeply into that, who understands it? I'll guarantee you the
first time you see it you will collapse in horror at what is
going on on this earth.

If you don't see it, you're still a part of it."

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I moved into this little studio a block away from the lake. It has a European loft feel and I took great care in weaving my little nest. Guitars, keyboard, laptop set up with my EV speakers, mbox, guitar amps, sewing machine, climbing ivy, enough poetry books to keep me excited for the next few years and Le Lounge Chair. This next year will be possibly the greatest test of faith I have demanded from myself. I cant really say what made me move into my own space and distance my lover. Well, that's not entirely true. I do know. A month after absolute belief and courage to act on my realized direction, I now doubt my supernatural connection, my intentions. Possibly the advice of my peers, requesting I set in visual or sonic examples, the intuition in my gut is pulling me out of my beautiful trance. These long philosophical discussions very pleasantly tease my brain, however, in the end I feel the mystery being sucked out of my magical surroundings. The mystery that has seen everything, that knows everything, the mystery that, when I approach with humility and a pure heart opens itself to me shocks my whole being into a wonderful floating understanding. The philosophical reasoning, the man made architecture has forgotten its place. Mystery is far more intelligent and all knowing. Fact is, I very clearly heard god tell me that I had to leave what I knew and be on my own to be closer to him. Nothing I understand. Nothing that hasn't caused me the deepest despair as well as the most pure hopefulness. To be continued...

"It isn't explanations that carry us forward, it is our desire to go on"-P. Cohelo

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Thursday, April 17, 2008

And so............

I have been avoiding this subject for a while, however, as you may have noticed, it is now mid April and there are still no signs of an EP... I did receive a track, produced, mixed and mastered from Kokopelli Productions, but felt instinctively that it was not where I was going. After receiving the track, I decided that the best thing for me would be to do it myself. I have a small protools setup at home and a couple of mics which I had previously used for personal projects and practice. One of Edgar's coworkers recently graduated from a recording school and he offered to help out. I threw myself into learning the ins and outs of recording, laying down two songs, but something still felt stale. I took a little break to reflect on what it is that had been bothering me about this process. I never liked the idolatry involved in pop music. Even though there are artists whose work I feel really attached to... It seems like a form of torture more than a privilege, to be put on a pedestal and praised. The more self absorbed and self serving I became, the more I dug into the intricacies of my own songs, the more I thought about my appearance, my sound, my goals, my future projects, my chances, my progress, the more I sank into a dark confusion. Some musicians try to bring you back by saying "its all about the music". But I dont think it is. Music is an expression, it is a craft, a talent, an art, a form of worship. One uses music to express. If this is the case, something major is missing from most people's vocabulary. The reason we are falling into frustration, making stale music, trying to cover up mediocre music with promises of it reaching the masses and bringing in revenue is because we fail to see the true inspiration. God breathed life into my body and gave me a soul, not praise myself, or other people, but to praise God. If I am not actively taking part in all of his beauty, I am saying that my view is better than his. If all my songs are about the best that I can do, then I have myself some pretty lame songs. The is certainly a mystery surrounding God's inspiration to the humans he created, but there are also very tangible facts. The laws of nature, the laws he governs us by. The law that I uncovered recently is if I want his way, I have give up my way. I cannot come to the ultimate creator with my own terms and bargain until I am satisfied. His way is satisfaction. My way is confused ramblings of how the world works and desperate pleas to get caught up in earthy battles and end up on top. This is all semi poetic language to say, my former approaches have been confused attempts at getting my way. Even when a personal battle was won, it brought me no pleasure. Lining myself up for a certain outcome of earthly gain was not the right way. I don't know what is in my future. I do know that I was crafted to be an artist and will be creating accordingly.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Forgiving others the way God forgives us for sins, denial and malicious words is the most humbling test of faith. Never before did I realize, the way I do at this moment, that the position of power is in service.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

"A thousand angels cannot get through to anyone living in
imagination masquerading as insight."

New Sonnet

There is a shallow dip along the road
I walk from birth onward through driving rain
The gulch suggests a heavy lidded home
That argues higher glories to be vain

There is no proof for me to justify
No argument another could receive
In why I feel only this road is right
No map to trace my finger where it leads

Just that great men were made by great mistakes
And gave their hearts, though they were sure to break,
Lifted burdens, light as they were flowers,
Built, stone by stone, unbuildable empires

Now every foot on higher ground I take
Out of the blue that's dampening my shape

Sonnets From "I Tear One Bird"..Yet to be published

White petaled throats chirp off the nutmeg wing,
Celestial wavelengths seek, nature employs.
Bronzed shells loosen their pearl and brilliance rings!
The ice phase melts before the tender voice.

Skin sheds, irises gloss, a hope, a prayer,
Answered in symphony before our eyes.
Oysters yawn and glow as ribboned mares,
Offering pearls, as moons, unto the sky.

But what can we of flesh and bone supply?
To the hearty veins that quench the seasons?
Who, unwavered by our touch do apply
Ointment on our caveman scars of reason.

And tickling our youth, restoring men,
Manages moon rise and set and rise again.


Us lonely, us so solitary, here.
We sensitives know well, nature’s lash.
Humbly, we look to you for cheer,
The open wounds crisscrossed upon our backs.

Sweet, still, white blossoms won’t you bloom and grow?
Winter barks cold when you beg to push…
Let those liquid veins fatten and bestow
Your buds with proper nutrients! Ambush!

Oh spring wont you push! Push! Push! We’ll pray hard!
We’ll scrape the frost from your rocky roof!
Soak your roots swollen! Extinguish barriers!
Dry agitated tears with glorious proof,

That one may break through soil by soft sewing,
Say, you’re wandering through toil? Keep going…

Sonnet 9

Butter yellow wings hovering august
I’m painfully aware of summer love
Now that leaves beg to blush and fall, I must
hunt my soul back, the arrow pierced dove

mamory,, the gland of womanhood swells
All nerves mimic the pulp of cherry lips
Your liquids icicle on silver bells
heavy muted rings, I feel his absence

north to south whispers fierce, your resonance
there is no escaping, delight, decay
east to west winds devour my innocence
I would not have it any other way

I ask no favors from eternity
In serving time, time is sure to serve me

a little something..........

Sonnet 9

Butter yellow wings hovering august
I’m painfully aware of summer love
Now that leaves beg to blush and fall, I must
hunt my soul back, the arrow pierced dove

mamory,, the gland of womanhood swells
All nerves mimic the pulp of cherry lips
Your liquids icicle on silver bells
heavy muted rings, I feel his absence

north to south whispers fierce, your resonance
there is no escaping, delight, decay
east to west winds devour my innocence
I would not have it any other way

I ask no favors from eternity
In serving time, time is sure to serve me

A Few Old Sonnets

I think I am, I think I’m not, I’m right
Yet fear is thick with smoke whose embers prick
The outward reaching thoughts. Perhaps at night
through dreams, hope waits, a place smoke cannot stick

breathing one one-hundredth of our breath
Seeing one one-thousandth of what’s to see
wilting petals, surviving until death
I sing the flower’s woe unto the seed

Do not, loves, mistake wisdom for my ways
Romantic eyes, nor hearts with fires bright
Can kindle the darkness of these days
Can coax soles shivering and damp, ignite!

Don’t bother swine with pearls, petites, create!
And Shake these burden omens from your slate

Perched on wooden statues as if God’s hands
Raise the paler beast to solar power
Bronze their tongues that spin like ceiling fans!
Detach vines, coax buds to flower!

Rattling lids, your guilt is boiling brew
Stain the sheets which have written plain your name
Addiction swells beg conscience please undo
What devil seed had me seek hollow fame?

Beneath the blackened forest canopy
I intended to bloom from light within
But silent darkness soon breeds anarchy
The sun, with no replacement yawns to dim

Oh forest home of mine here is my heart
My faith is lonely when we are apart

Out soft and bright the midnight afternoon
The sky may crumble if you stay awake
Circus rings will fly your way right soon
And soar above the bitter of heartache

For I have quivered in the heart that stings
And rung my hair to empty of the pain
And sink what Lady of the Lake did bring
So I could mourn and roar within my reign

Now sweet the fragrant blossoms I intake
Hovered here above the sand storm wave
Dreams go round what doesn’t burn will bake
Don’t summon force on what will not behave

For love wears garment false around her face
And trips each last one of the human race

Friday, February 15, 2008

cell phone

my phone fell out of my pocket on the train today. I prayed that whoever found it would find a way to return it to me. when I got home I called att customer service and found out someone dropped it off at a Starbucks nearby so I could pick it up. I love you honest people. Whoever returned my phone, I want to buy you a starbucks card. Today has been a wonderful day for meeting new people and being comfortable around strangers. I feel love love love.

Monday, February 11, 2008

musician search

I am looking for a drummer, bassist and multi instrumentalists for some upcoming shows. Must be creative and able to practice at least once a week!

Saturday, February 9, 2008

in love with my labtop?

Its a little scary how much my life revolves around the computer in these winter months. Wake up, check mail, write mail, post blog. open up word, free writes, poetry. Open up garage band record song ideas, edit song ideas, record again and again and again.. Get hunger headache, rummage around for food. Check mail, write mail. Myspace, youtube, facebook, google, wikipedia. Back to songs. update website. back to free write, edit writing. back to song. I cant wait until spring, or vacation, or the death of all least for a month or so, so I am forced out of this very strange routine.

Friday, February 8, 2008

My Birth Chart To This Planet


Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida, en la próxima
trataría de cometer más errores. No intentaría ser tan
perfecto, me relajaría más. Sería más tonto de lo que
he sido, de hecho tomaría muy pocas cosas con
seriedad. Sería menos higiénico.

Correría más riesgos, haría más viajes, contemplaría
más atardeceres, Subiría más montañas, nadaría más
ríos. Iría a más lugares a los que nunca he ido,
comería más helados y menos habas, tendría más
problemas reales y menos imaginarios.

Yo fui de esas personas que vivió sensata y
prolíficamente cada momento de su vida, claro que tuve
momentos de alegría. Pero si pudiera volver atrás
trataría solamente de tener buenos momentos. Por si no
lo saben, de eso está hecha la vida, solo de momentos,
no te pierdas el ahora.

Yo era uno de esos que nunca iba a ninguna parte sin
un termómetro, una bolsa de agua caliente, un paraguas
y un paracaídas.

Si pudiera volver a vivir, comenzaría así hasta
concluir el otoño, daría más vueltas en calesita,
contemplaría más amaneceres y jugaría con más niños si
tuviera otra vez la vida por delante...

Pero ya ven, tengo 85 años y sé que me estoy